The Big Decision

Blog 34

After Ingo received a job offer, we only had a couple of days to make our decision. If you read last week's blog, you know that I did everything to postpone the inevitable. There was no more time to waste. We had to make a decision about our future. While I had assumed I was the only one who was unsure, Ingo also had his doubts. If he had been all by himself, then he would have decided in favour of staying in Canada without any second thought. He was worried that I would get fed up in no time without my family and work.

At the end, we make a list stating the advantages and disadvantages, and even weighed every aspect according to importance. Canada gained a lead of three points. We both hoped to talk this decision through with our parents, but were unable to reach any of them. They would not be able to make the decision for us, but they would give us some good advice. I also hoped that their reaction would give me a hint whether they would even be able to deal with the separation.

Luck was on our side: When Ingo called the company representative in Ottawa, he was away from his desk. As it was Friday afternoon, we hoped that he would not call back until Monday.

Ingo and I had tickets for the Muskoka Summer Festival in Port Carling which was great timing as it had started raining in the afternoon. I actually enjoyed watching the rain while relaxing with my knitting because we had a whole week to enjoy the cottage life.

Our luck did not last long, as the return call came just as we wanted to head out for the festival. We were already late as another power outage had made it difficult to get dressed for the evening. At least Ingo was able to postpone the final decision by asking for more information about some contract details.

Ingo's future supervisor made him a couple of different offers, which gave us more options that we had to discuss. This also gave us the chance to talk to our parents over the weekend. I had not talked to my parents in more than three weeks, and I was missing them.

“Babe Ruth Comes to Pickle River” was a nice distraction. The two actors of the play, a sentimental comedy, were fantastic. I was very happy that I understood almost everything. It certainly helped that we had watched a movie about the baseball player Babe Ruth a couple of weeks earlier.

The next day, we got to witness how far the Canadian obsession with Christmas goes in Bracebridge. On a hot July day, “Santa's Parade” took place to celebrate the 40th anniversary of Santa's Village. It seemed like a carnival procession - the only difference was that everything was decorated with a Christmas theme, and instead of “Helau” (German carnival salutation) people shouted “Merry Christmas”. I found the whole event absolutely ridiculous, especially considering the scorching heat. If the theme was “Christmas in July”, the organizers should at least have decorated the streets with Christmas trees (even if they had been the fake kind) and scheduled the parade in the evening. On the other hand, if I consider that some of the costumes for the German carnival are rather skimpy for the winter months, maybe having a Christmas parade in July is not any more absurd. It certainly has nothing to do anymore with the message of Christmas, but reduces the Christian holiday to a marketing spectacle.

So where am I going with all this? You are probably wondering how long we could still stall before making our final decision. Ingo had until Monday morning to accept the job offer. I talked to my parents and my sister. Even though they wished for us to return to Germany, they advised us to look where Ingo would have the best work opportunities. Very typical! Even though I had my degree as Diplom-Betriebswirt (graduate in business management) from the University of Applied Sciences, it was more important for my parents that Ingo would have good career chances. Despite my mom's crucial part in my dad's business success, they still held on to the traditional role expectations.

At the end, we decided to give it a try for half a year. Ingo would start on August 14. We did not have anything to lose. Ingo did not have any career opportunities at his former employer, and I did not want to return to the company I had worked for.

We argued that we would be able to find out within six months if we liked living in Ottawa, whether Ingo like the work and the company, and whether I would get bored staying at home. I could still apply for jobs in Germany.

To convince myself that this was the right decision, I even made the following calculated in my journal:

I usually saw my parents 4 hours/week which resulted in 208 hours/year. If I wanted to spend as much time with them in the future, I would have to visit them for about 17.5 days every year, assuming I would spend 12 hours/day with them.

Seeing this in my journal now, I can hardly believe how naive I was. What a silly calculation! I did not even include time with other family members and friends. I also wanted to visit my parents and sister every second Christmas. It did not work that way. I usually visit them every second year, and spent my last Christmas with them in 1996. Although, we are very lucky that my parents come regularly to visit us, about two or three times a year.

This was, however, only one part of our decision. Can you guess what the other part was? You have to return to my blog next week to find out.

Avoiding the Subject

Blog 33

It was time to make the important decision about where we wanted to continue our life. I had done a lot of brooding over the question of whether to stay in Canada, or to return to Germany. I was torn and felt overwhelmed. When Ingo finally got the offer, he asked me for my decision. I told him about about my struggles.

At first, he was pulling away and went for a lonely trip in the canoe. I was shocked about his reaction. I thought we would sit together to talk about our doubts and make the decision together. I assumed that he had already figured out by our several discussions that I was not too thrilled about the idea of staying in Canada.

While he was gone, I threw myself into washing the dishes. When I suddenly saw the beautiful sunset, I dropped the dish cloth, grabbed my painting equipment and hurried to the deck to capture the sunset. I was quite happy with the result which just shows that painting is a great stress reliever.

When Ingo returned, he wanted to discuss the move to Ottawa, but I put him off because I was afraid that the discussion would get me so upset that I would brood over all the challenges throughout the night. Instead we played a round of “Mensch ärgere Dich nicht“ (a German board game similar to “Sorry”) which Ingo won as always.

The next morning, we were up early, as we had heard that power would be cut for a couple of hours. We continued to avoid the necessary discussion. Instead, we went canoeing on the Muskoka river, followed by a drive on the “Lady Muskoka”, a passenger boat that takes tourists along the Muskoka river and lake. When we passed the “millionaires row”, I could hardly keep my eyes from bulging. Most of the cottages at Lake Muskoka were quite a good size but those millionaires' cottages looked like palaces. Even more important than the actual size of the building were the number of boat houses a family owned. Some families owned their own islands including a guest house and a house for the housekeeper. This house alone was often at least twice as big as the cottage of Ingo's parents. I was hard to comprehend all this wealth.

It goes without saying that we passed Santa's Village, which is indeed only an amusement park for small kids. We not only saw one of Santa's Village boats with Christmas songs blasting from the sound system, but also Santa with his long white beard. However, instead of his red robe, he wore a black swim trunk and dark sunglasses when he passed us in a motor boat.

In the afternoon, we were lounging on the cottage's patio. What a luxury! I appreciated our time off. How many people could have afforded such a long vacation?

While all this helped to distract us from the important decision we had to make, and I even managed to postpone our discussion for another day. We still could not avoid talking about the big challenge in front of us. It was time to take a clear step, and get out of the doubtfulness.

You are probably wondering why I always get away from the topic of our decision of whether Ingo should accept or reject the job offer in Ottawa. I was thinking about just writing the blog with the facts of how we finally came to a decision, but decided to write it in chronological order instead to show how reluctant we both were to commit. I hope you will return next week to find out how we finally made up our minds.

Time for a Decision

Out of Control, 12" x 12" mixed media

Blog 32

The day for the big decision was approaching because Ingo had received notice that the company in Ottawa was close to making him an employment offer.

The call left me very unsettled, and caused a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. On the other hand, I wanted the decision to happen fast so that I could prepare myself for the new situation. We had talked about the pro and cons so many times that it was time to get our act together. We could not continue to afford our vacation much longer. We had to get back to a daily routine and into a work environment.

I had suppressed the idea of not returning to Germany. Even though Ingo and I had talked about it many times, it was just a theory for me. However, suddenly this theory seemed to become a definite possibility. All of a sudden, there was the possibility that I would stay a far distance apart from my family and friends. Those relationships were (and still are) very important to me. I had missed both my family and friends terribly during the three months since we left Germany. I started to panic.

Could I even do this to my parents and my sister? I did not want to hurt them. I felt really bad. I had told them about Ingo's interview. However, we had basically told them after the first discouraging meetings with job hunters that the chances were in favour of coming back to Germany.

On the other hand, I was tempted by the fascination of doing something extraordinary and unexpected. How many people have the chance to just pack their suitcases and start all over in a new continent? Today, I realize that many have the chance, but most people do not even consider this possibility.

I have to admit that after a couple of years in a very stressful job and some issues with bullying, the possibility of not having to work and being able to do activities that were really important to me was very appealing. Even if I would marry Ingo to make it easier for him to sponsor me as a “landed immigrant”, this process would take time – probably over a year. A year full of meaningful possibilities! Would I even be able to find work in my field at all? All my degrees were from German institutions. At least I had worked for a big American bank, so my reference was in English.

My chances to find work in Germany were probably also very slim for the current year as most companies hired employees at the beginning of each quarter. As my return flight was only booked for the end of October, I would hopefully be able to find a new position for January 1996. This would allow me to be financially independent again.

There were also other considerations. To be able to buy a house in Germany, both spouses have to earn a good salary if you do not want to live only to pay off the house, or if you want to have a family.

I was very torn, and not sure what I should tell Ingo. He needed my decision soon, and I felt very overwhelmed to make this big decision that would change my life – no matter what I would decide.

If you would like to find out how we finally decided, please return for my blog next week. Thank you for following my journey of discovering Canada. If you know anyone who might be interested in my story, I would appreciate it if you would share my blog. Thank you in advance for helping me to increase my audience.

Exploring the Culture of Southwest Ontario

St. Marys

Blog 31

When we first came to Canada, we lived with Ingo's parents which was not always easy after we had been used to living on our own for years. I am sure it was not easy for them either to have constant “visitors” at their house. As they were so very generous and did not want to accept any rent or money for food, Ingo and I had decided to invite them to “The Merry Wives of Windsor” at the Stratford Festival. For me, it was a chance to see some of the cultural events of Ontario.

We stayed in a cozy, beautifully renovated B&B. When we strolled through Stratford, I liked the little shops, but I was annoyed that a main artery road went through the town which meant that trucks were constantly passing by. Therefore, I did not really enjoy the meal on an outdoor patio. The path along the river Avon towards the festival site was very different. The area was just beautiful with lots of green from the parks, beautiful swans and ducks in the water, and small wooden bridges crossing from one side to the other. A place just perfect for painting!

I would have liked to stroll this path again the next morning but we had registered for a walking tour which turned out to be totally boring as the guide spoke so quietly and monotonously that I gave up listening after a short time. He also walked so slowly that a snail could have easily passed him. It was exhausting!

The play was very good, even though I had a hard time following the plot because the actors spoke Old English, but the choreography was fantastic. I would have loved to watch Macbeth which would have been easier for me as I had studied the story in Old English at school. Hopefully another time I’ll be able to see it.

We continued from Stratford to St. Marys, also called “The Stone Town” due to the many stone buildings build from the abundant limestone of the surrounding area. Strolling through town, I found a great arts and craft store that sold lots of materials for teddy bear making. There was also a flyer for the upcoming teddy bear parade. I was in bear heaven! I would have liked to return for the parade. I have never managed.

Next, we reached Grand Bend, a vacation destination right at the shores of Lake Huron. I felt like in a Spanish tourist site. There were women with the tiniest bikinis walking even down the shopping promenade, Arnold Schwarzenegger type guys with heavy gold chains on the hairy chest, lots of variety stores offering cheap merchandise, and bistros with loud music.

The beach and the water were indeed beautiful, but it was very busy, even on a weekday. I still would have liked to walk along the beach, but this did not fit into our sightseeing programme.

Instead we continued to Goderich. The town was a picture of devastation. It was a sad sight: there were uprooted trees everywhere, especially old trees with a diameter of at least 2 metres. Fortunately, most of the houses were hardly damaged. You could see where the tornado had cut its path from the water through the town. The beauty of the beach was a stark contrast. It was so inviting to go swimming but unfortunately, we did not bring our swimming wear.

Rather, we strolled to the town centre that has an octagonal square where the courthouse is situated. All around were some nice shops. In one shop, the salesman wanted to sell me a designer bear for $200. In another store, it would have been a fantastic opportunity to increase my collection with a “Vanderbear” that was reduced by almost $100. However, without a salary and a space to put my bears, I had to pass.

Finally, we drove to St. Jacobs, a picturesque town with many artisans and the famous St. Jacobs Farmers' Market. We did not have a chance to visit the town as it was already dinner time.It was a shame because I also would have like to learn more about the Mennonite history of the town. Instead, we decided to end our little trip with a dinner at a local restaurant. Inside the restaurant, we bumped into a couple of Ingo's father's colleagues. Ingo's dad reminds me of my own father who seems to know people everywhere.

I enjoyed spending time with Ingo's parents. Even though we lived under one roof, his father was often away on business or rowing trips, and his mother was usually busying herself around the house.

It was also a nice distraction because Ingo had received notice that the company in Ottawa was just checking the references before they would make him an offer. The call left me very unsettled and caused a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions.

Thank you for following my journey of discovering Canada. Maybe, my story has given you some ideas for beautiful Canadian areas that are worth visiting. I hope you will continue to follow my blog. If you know anyone who might be interested in my story, I would appreciate it if you would share my blog. Thank you in advance for helping me to increase my audience.