|Out of Control, 12" x 12" mixed media|
The day for the big decision was approaching because Ingo had received notice that the company in Ottawa was close to making him an employment offer.
The call left me very unsettled, and caused a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. On the other hand, I wanted the decision to happen fast so that I could prepare myself for the new situation. We had talked about the pro and cons so many times that it was time to get our act together. We could not continue to afford our vacation much longer. We had to get back to a daily routine and into a work environment.
I had suppressed the idea of not returning to Germany. Even though Ingo and I had talked about it many times, it was just a theory for me. However, suddenly this theory seemed to become a definite possibility. All of a sudden, there was the possibility that I would stay a far distance apart from my family and friends. Those relationships were (and still are) very important to me. I had missed both my family and friends terribly during the three months since we left Germany. I started to panic.
Could I even do this to my parents and my sister? I did not want to hurt them. I felt really bad. I had told them about Ingo's interview. However, we had basically told them after the first discouraging meetings with job hunters that the chances were in favour of coming back to Germany.
On the other hand, I was tempted by the fascination of doing something extraordinary and unexpected. How many people have the chance to just pack their suitcases and start all over in a new continent? Today, I realize that many have the chance, but most people do not even consider this possibility.
I have to admit that after a couple of years in a very stressful job and some issues with bullying, the possibility of not having to work and being able to do activities that were really important to me was very appealing. Even if I would marry Ingo to make it easier for him to sponsor me as a “landed immigrant”, this process would take time – probably over a year. A year full of meaningful possibilities! Would I even be able to find work in my field at all? All my degrees were from German institutions. At least I had worked for a big American bank, so my reference was in English.
My chances to find work in Germany were probably also very slim for the current year as most companies hired employees at the beginning of each quarter. As my return flight was only booked for the end of October, I would hopefully be able to find a new position for January 1996. This would allow me to be financially independent again.
There were also other considerations. To be able to buy a house in Germany, both spouses have to earn a good salary if you do not want to live only to pay off the house, or if you want to have a family.
I was very torn, and not sure what I should tell Ingo. He needed my decision soon, and I felt very overwhelmed to make this big decision that would change my life – no matter what I would decide.
If you would like to find out how we finally decided, please return for my blog next week. Thank you for following my journey of discovering Canada. If you know anyone who might be interested in my story, I would appreciate it if you would share my blog. Thank you in advance for helping me to increase my audience.